It's so big to have just one person believe in you.
You feel seen and heard, and you feel interesting. You even feel a little loved.
And yet, as Julia Cameron—yes her again—would say:
Listening to the siren song of more, we are deaf to the still small voice waiting in our soul to whisper, ‘You’re enough.”
— Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
Yeah.
Anyway, the lady wrote a book called the Artist's Way, and I was like all into it for the first few chapters. The premise of the book is to help blocked artists get… unblocked.
Now, I do not think that I am a blocked artist. Or at least, not completely blocked. Maybe partially blocked. Meaning that I don't ever experience writer's block or when I do, I've got enough tools to get going pretty fast (my favourite being a 5 minutes breathing exercise that totally over-oxygenate the brain and destroys all and any resistance standing in the way between your will and your Flow (just like when the lawn mower won’t start and you need to give it a little bit of air (or is that just what my father used to say?)) I know super weird. And when I'm out of ideas (quite rare), I just go for a walk in the forest or read a few short stories or do research and… you get the point and this parenthesis is getting super long).
So how am I a blocked artist if I don’t have writer’s block? I am blocked because I show a strong propensity against sharing my work, getting out there, pitching my novels and selling myself. And because I have a pretty hard time believing it will lead anywhere.
Wait, actually, I'm a hundred percent bipolar on this: one morning, I can see myself having a warm discussion over herbal tea with Brandon Sanderson on his homey oceanfront veranda (we’re best buddies of course), while daydreaming that my agent is none other than Jennifer Jackson of the Donald Maass Literary Agency. And in the afternoon of the same day, I literally tear up thinking I'm a worthless piece of shit and everything I touch turns to garbage and also to shit. The trigger is often comments and rejections.
Let me give you some examples. Yesterday, a friend (hi KS!) read two of my latest short stories in like 30 minutes, plus every single post this newsletters has to offer. She was so enthusiastic I got carried away. I WAS GOING TO MAKE IT. MY BIG BREAK WAS COMING, I COULD FEEL IT!!! Like I said, you wouldn't believe how having just one single person believe in you makes a huge difference.
On the flip side, I usually get the usual constructive comments from my writer friends and I can't help but get slightly depressed, if not overtly then in a subconscious way. (It’s never their fault, their comments are great, I just have issues).
Why? Because the kid artist burried deep inside my psyche (a concept that comes back often in Julia Cameron's book) is all like: “Why weren't they excited? Didn't they adore my characters? How about that witty plot twist? Oh no, they totally think I suck and I’m fooling myself, and I'm no good…” blah blah. Same with rejections, except worse.
As you can see, my mood changes a lot during a normal week.
To come back to Julia Cameron, you’ve got to give it to her, she's got some pretty fucking snazzy tools in there. Morning Pages is probably the best. Basically, you just do three pages of automatic writing every morning. It takes out the internal crash, it’s where ideas are born, and it’s a place where you put your life back in order. Or you just write incredibly weird stuff:
Whenever I plan on terminating my golden thought, there is no reason for us to duck the duck after the sinuous shape of Arthur Rimbaud.
— The Insides of My Beautiful Mind
OR:
Information is ripping down the pillow of my dreams like sandpaper resting on my cheekbones.
— More gems from The Insides of My Beautiful Mind
The second tool is the Artist’s Date. Every week, you take your artist on a date—could be a walk in the park, going to the museum (always alone with your inner artist), going to a show, etc. What it does is it feeds creativity in an insane way. It's close to meditative.
On my last Artist’s Date (although I cheated and was with other peeps), I went to my first music show in years. Wow. My artist was so freaking happy. I had to take notes on my phone because ideas were just bursting my brain open. I looked at these guys, these four musicians (Plants and Animals) and I found them so incredibly beautiful! These guys were Artists, doing the Art thing. While they played, creating powerful atmospheres with air vibrations and sending shivers down my femurs (see what I did there? Took a cliché phrase and flipped it on its head! YEAH BABY, NYT Bestselling Author on the way!), they were smiling at each other like they had missed their craft, their art, so very fucking much. I was secretly their buddy, a cousin Artist, and totally teared up when the lead singer said: "It's fun. It's so fun to be back at work." You got that right, Warren!
The rest of Julia Cameron's book, I'm not so sure. It's mostly magical thinking and Law of Attraction crap. Like:
“Leap, and the net will appear.”
— Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (it’s actually from John Burroughs)
Or, as I like to put it: BE-LIEVE, and wait for the fucking miracles to come. Well, I’ve jumped, Julia, and I’ve been waiting, Julia. Where’s the fucking net, JU-LIA!!!
No but seriously, okay sure, I'd love to believe and all that, and maybe there's a grain of truth to what she’s saying, but can we please not go all-in on the New Agey stuff, please? If I want New Age, I'll read Deepak, thank you very much.
Loved that one buddy. This morning, writing felt like trying to start an engine by pushing the pistons with my hands. Reminded me to stop and dive inside for a moment. Oh, and it also reminded me of artists dates, which I too often push aside thinking they're dampening my productivity (which of course is the exact opposite). Rock on mec !
Great post.
I think the blessing and the curse of artists is their sensitivity. It's great when it comes to feeling the essence of a scene or observing the world around, but it's a curse when it means that it's hard to develop the thick skin necessary to keep going when things aren't going your way (and they never always do, even if over time on average they do -- big difference between a long-term trend and the day by day).
Also, always enjoy a good Cohen reference.
Cheers! 💚🥃